A Change of Heart
by PaulinhaKawaii
Summary: Sam's life was never easy, but after Dean, his true Omega mate, rejected him, happiness and love became a distant memory as he tried to mend his broken heart.


Tags: Break Up, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alpha Sam, Omega Dean, Angst, Hopeful Ending

Notes: This work is unbeta'd and all the typos are mine and my phone's autocorrect.

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.o.

When your mate does all but reject you outrightly, your only option is to try very hard not cry while rocking yourself to sleep a few times a week. The other nights you drink, trying to drown your sorrow.

"Let be friends for a while", your mate said to you.

They together since they were teenagers, but as when time for them to bond became close, Dean became distant. Avoiding to talk about when they were discussing until he was avoiding Sam too. Everything they built together, all the trust... Just like sand.

The while , was indefinite. "Until I'm ready Sam."

The first three months, it was like hell. He jerked off so many times. He ran miles a day. He punched things. There was a Dean shaped hollow inside Sam and he didn't know how to change things.

Months four, five and six were trying to rebuild a relationship. Be a friend like Dean wanted you to be. By all means, but Sam tried, but Dean didn't though. It was like everything he did it was to show how incompatible they were.

They were chosen by Mother Nature to be the perfect fit. But somehow along the way, they became mismatched. Sam swears, before the mess they were the perfect match. And if Sam could pinpoint the culprit, it would Dean's insecurities and fear of commitment, his distrust. It destroyed everything. Because he knew that he didn't change that much .

They both changed as time passed, obviously, you are not the Sam person you were a month ago. But Dean was the only one who didn't accept the changes. And day by day, things were becoming more complicated.

First thing you need to understand is that nature works today as it worked at the start of the civilization. Sam's inner Alpha, his animal, started to affect the much more complex mind of the modern Alpha. You could see that in his initial change of behavior.

Mother Nature thought that it was bad for an omega to remain unmated for long. And as days became weeks and months, her merciless hand weighed on Sam's body reaction to Dean's prolonged unmated status. As days passed, he felt more and more possessive, obsessive. By the end of six months, Sam were drinking every night to make himself sleep. His grades were horrible and he almost failed for the first time in his life. But he kept himself together, because there were still hope and he needed to be successful to sustain their home.

"I never about having babies you know," Dean said distractedly, gazing the sky above them.

"We have time to think about babies when we finish university," Sam has replied. "We can form our family when we feel ready."

"I guess…"

Sam looked at the calendar and he was certain now that it was exactly three months ago since he has talked to Dean.

"Not the best times right now sorry, but I'll call you back."

Three plus six, nine months. If they break up was a baby, it would have been born by now.

Nine months of seeing his life wasting away. Of having thoughts that wasn't his, that left him crazy, Sam put himself on a hold.

With the new semester starting, he knew that he couldn't screw up his scholarship. So he got into so many classes that the hours of attendance plus the time he should spent studying only left a small portion of six hours per day of free time, his sleep time. To accomplish that, he had manipulated his advisor to lift the threshold of 17 credits and was studying a total of 22. It was insane, but it was just what he needed to lock away the animal.

One month into his new routine, with no time left to anything besides studying and attending classes, on the seventh month, Sam still couldn't stopped trying to reach out for Dean. There wasn't a single ounce of Dean's scent on himself anymore like mates usually have and he knew that the Same hold true for Dean. His apartment didn't smell like Dean anymore. But like when he did have time to talk with his omega, his advances were met with 10 feet walls that were impossible to jump over and reach Dean.

So Sam stopped trying to reach Dean.

"I don't want to never let you go," Sam whispered and hugged the soft body of Dean against his chest.

"I'll pee and shit all over you then, is that what you want you kinky bastard?!"

Sam laughed until his stomach hurt.

On the tenth month, Sam's withdraw from Dean was starting wane. Mother Nature could do something good once in while... It was easier to get by the weeks without seeing Dean at all. And it was in that month that he found a solution for his depression. An Alpha suppressant that could nullify all his instincts that was captured by his nose. The food stopped tasting as good as before, but it was a small price to pay compared how he felt right now.

He felt free .

He graduated one semester early from his pre-law program on Stanford as a bachelor of Criminal Justice on the eleventh month.

The last time he saw Dean was three months ago. He lost contact with a lot of his old friends because he pushed himself like crazy in his desperate attempt of escaping reality. Dean had entered a semester early than Sam, but he would still graduate only in the next semester, when by Sam plans, would be spent studying law school in Washington for the two years of Juris Doctor plus more two for his Master of laws.

Everything was ready to go, having already said to goodbye to his friends, making up a story for Castiel, his friend since he came to Stanford in the very first day, about traveling before choosing his graduate university, he met Dean in a cafeteria chatting excitedly with Rhonda.

Sam felt nothing .

He called Dean's name and saw the moment that his former lover's face washed up to a sickly white which had been full of life and tanned freckles a second ago.

Sam had caused that. Dean was so disgusted by him, that this was the type of reaction he caused on him now. He probably always were. Or not… Sam didn't know what to think. He prided himself a logical person, but when the subject was Dean, he was reduced to nothing but a mumbling mess.

Apparently, he should have agreed with Dean when said a year ago that their relationship wasn't healthy. What Sam was doing was really the best option.

Sam didn't go near him, fearing that his suppressants could go faulty and make his heart hurt again. He stayed far, but kept his smile directed at Dean.

"Good to see you, friend!" Sam said with a mild voice, not wanting to sound too cheerful and fake.

"Sam… I'm- It's a surprise to see you around this area," Dean said with his voice cracking up a bit. "I was going to- Castiel and Gabe said you were traveling to Boston. Hope you have a good travel!"

Not an I miss you, Sam. Not an I'll miss you, Sam. Not an I'm sorry for not returning your calls, I was busy.

Sam swallowed the lump in his throat. His suppressants couldn't work around the emotions that Dean brought to him. No matter. Because he was not going to cry here.

"Thanks, I can't here to grab a coffee before going."

I passed here hoping to see you one last time. Because someone told me you would be here.

"Ok," Dean said before falling silent. He made three starts as if he was going to say something, but soon closed his mouth again.

"Anyway," Sam said, trying to sound unaffected. He looked over Rhonda who was looking at him, with a frown on her face and despite that, she was still all over Dean, her arms on his shoulders, like she didn't Sam was Dean's Alphas… Or he that was. "Hello there, Rhonda." He greeted not anything to cause a scene. "Well, I'm going to buy my coffee and then I'll head to the metro. See you, Dean. Rhonda."

He bought his coffee and exited the cafe not looking back once.

Sam life at Washington was carefree and everything that he needed. He met Jessica, a lovely beta, and dated her for five years. They were good to each other and for one moment he could see himself building a future with her.

In the next moment, he was finding out she cheating on him with another guy called Brad one month before his graduation.

Like when he finished his undergrad, his last day of a graduate student and the first as a Master of Laws, he alone on his apartment, feeling sorry for himself. Again.

Three months later, he unexpectedly met Castiel sightseeing the city and found out that he was here after a very bad break up. Castiel was dating an Alpha, but things didn't work out as he thought it was because his boyfriend mated to an Omega that he had been seeing for an year.

Curious about having sex with another Alpha, they hooked up.

Sam invited Castiel to stay at his apartment instead of the hostel he was staying. Castiel stayed there for a month.

On the second month Castiel was accepted a job proposal.

On the third month, Castiel has already all his things moved to Sam's apartment. Now their apartment. Things were good between them, sex was awesome when they got past the who would fuck today.

Six months in cohabitation, gave Sam some liberties. Like using Castiel's phone sometimes. On this particular day, he was reading Castiel's Facebook feed when a familiar face appeared on it. The face want alone.

Sam caught himself after minutes of staying at a photo of Dean and a little boy. The boy is Dean's, no proof required beside his very own face, an almost identical copy. Sam opens Dean's profile and after a few minutes he saw a photo of the boy's last birthday, he was six years old. Dean had gotten pregnant mere months after he had left the city.

Dean had gotten knotted and knocked up on his very next heat, he had just waited for Sam to leave. He waited to be free of Sam. Like Sam himself felt.

As he stared at Dean's best profile picture, he wondered that if… If… He couldn't do it himself. He knew it would only hurt to keep looking at Dean's profile, so he turned off the phone before he could resist.

Castiel had always been a people person, it was him who liked going out with friends while Sam had to sirens long hours working. In a year, he already has a string of acquaintances and some bordering to a friendship already.

As both men started to make a name for himself, Castiel finding a good job as a journalist on a big channel and him as an associate, they could finally start to pay their tuitions fees and even accumulate some money.

On their second anniversary, Sam and Castiel slept with an omega to do something different. From there, there would be always someone else with them on weekends or special dates.

It lasted a full year until their third anniversary when Sam realized that Castiel wasn't into Sam with the Same intensity that Sam was still into Castiel. He had seen the early signs with Jessica, so before he could cheat on him, Sam ended up the relationship. Castiel fought him, had always loved Sam just as much. He never wanted their relationship to end, but could understand that a open relationship wasn't something that Sam wanted. He would miss Sam terribly, but prefered to see him happy than hurt by him. They have been best friends once, they wanted the other to be happy, truly.

So they broke up and moved on. He let Castiel stay on the apartment as he moved to San Francisco.

On the very first day, he met Chad, a beta, and Brock Kelly, an omega that was Chad's cousin. Sam started dating Brock one week later and being best friends with Chad three weeks later.

Two months later, he couldn't resist and searched for Dean's profile again and saw that his new profile picture was Dean and Castiel in a loving embrace.

What a fucked up life.

In that moment, with Brock sleeping soundly in the bed beside him, he knew felt himself finally letting go of his hate that was still locked inside him after such a long time. And feeling secure that he would not fall in temptation to love Dean again. He sent him a message on Facebook to him.

He was 30 and Dean 33 and they got to meet each other again in Los Angeles.

Eight years without seeing each other. Dean had brought his son Ben with him. Sam, not wanting to be alone, got Chad and Brock to go with him to meet his friend . He explained to them that things would be extremely awkward because they didn't seen each other for years and they always fight each other. So he needed them.

To the surprise of no one, their meeting was horrible.

Because it was like being dozed on Dean scent like he would get high with pot. He wanted to kiss his friend right there and make out to him. All the suppressed emotions so long forgotten, being awaken all at once. Like a stupid, Sam hadn't take his suppressants to meet Dean and he was suffering now.

As they awkwardly talk, he discovered that Dean's son Ben had never met his other father. And when he discreetly asked Dean what happened, he said that the Alpha was dead because of a car accident months after their mating.

Sam didn't know what to feel or how to feel about it… Sad about Dean? About the man that his friend wanted to mate, had died… While his true mate was elsewhere after being rejected by him? He didn't know how to feel. Dean had made his choice, so Sam learned how to live without him.

They ate their lunch mostly in silence after that and it was Sam who said that he would need to go back to San Francisco for a job emergency. He said goodbye to everyone and said to no one in particular, "If you need me for anything I'll be close. Just call or something."

Three months later, with no contact between them now and then, Dean called Sam on a Friday night.

"I miss you, Sam." Dean said.

Sam sighted. "I don't see how. You were the one to reject me as your mate, as your lover and as your friend," he said tiredly. "I have no idea what you miss from me."

"I miss you like before, when he were still teens and-"

"We stopped being teenagers a long while ago, Dean. You need to grow up and understand that people change."

"Sam-"

"I'm serious. If you are still clinging to the fantasy of our teenage years, you are as unchanged as I thought. And you'll reject me now like you did years ago because he isn't the Same Sam as before." He paused for a long mine before inquiring. "I never understand you, Dean… Why did you call me?"

"I want a chance to get to know you again… Like you said, I cling to the past. But I want to be in your life, Sam. It has being eight years and I miss you."

Sam was silent again, this time for long minutes.

"And how do you want to be in my life, Dean? You want to be my mate, my lover or my friend?"

"I don't know," Dean confessed with a weak voice, making Sam laugh.

"Goodbye, Dean,"

"Sam wait-"

"What?" Sam makes impatiently

"I killed Ben's father," Dean said under a whisper.

"What?" Sam asked slowly.

"I- He raped me, Sam. He raped me and mate with me against my will. Two months later, when the police still said that I would be his Omega no matter how he have mated, against my will or not. I cut the tires of his car and sent him on a snowing day. He didn't even get far from his house, his car flipped three times before leaking oil all over the place and the engine exploding." Dean said his takes quickly, not giving time for Sam to interrupt. "I didn't choose him over you."

Sam didn't know what to say after that. He was a fucking lawyer, he knew that Dean wouldn't win a case and be free from the rapist without the Alpha dying. He knew that with that revelation, he should change the way he was feeling right now when looking at Dean's mating scar. But he only felt numb.

"I still cling to our teenage years, yes. But I have grown up, Sam. I had time to think over and over about our lives and how I treated you and how you treated me. And I know that we can still be together. You were the one to say that we are meant to be, that will end together no matter what…"

"This was before, Dean." Sam replied, feeling completely drained.

"Before what?"

"Before you fucking rejected me, Dean. You don't understand because it wasn't with you. You rejected me. You rejected your fucking mate, because you didn't trust me to take care of you and not abuse you like the other alphas!"

"I didn't reject you Sam! I-"

Sam laughed. "If you think that you didn't reject me, you haven't been thinking about our lives like you said. You were probably just feeling sorry for yourself. I'll not be your toy Dean. I can't forgive you so easily. I got over you, yes, I don't even hate you anymore. But I didn't forgive you," Sam said seriously.

"But I forgave you for your behavior when we were at college! Sam, don't put yourself on a high pedestal and think that-"

"This conversation is over. Just like our relationship was nine years ago. I just didn't see it. Goodbye, Dean." Sam said before ending the call.

"You didn't say that Dean and you were mates."

Sam looked up to see Brock looking at him, with a blank face. He didn't look happy, but not sad either.

"I didn't because it wasn't relevant, he rejected me despite all my efforts. He chose the easier route and he can continue there, for all I care"

Brock shook his head at him.

"You need to forgive him, Sam."

"I can't. If I let he in, when he rejects me again… It'll hurt too much. He doesn't want to be bonded. He doesn't want a mate. He calls me now, but when he gets his next heat, he'll reject me just like he did all those years."

"He said he changed, didn't he?"

"Yes, but I don't believe in him…"

"Give him a chance and an ultimatum. If he want to stay with you, it'll be to be bonded together… If you are to be together again, both needs to be happy."

Sam looked at Brock's face curiously. "We are kind of dating, you know.. Why are you matchmaking me with another omega?"

"Because you guys are true mates. We don't mess with that!"

Sam scoffed. "Well, Dean did. He messed me really good. And I'll not try to mend my heart again like before when he rejects me."

"You are being a coward just like he was," Brock said softly, not intentionally offending. "Talk to him," he said before leaving the bedroom.

Two months later, Sam saw Dean and Ben in park near his office. It could be a coincidence, but it could have been on purpose… Not caring either way, Sam approached them.

Dean greeted him with hopeful eyes.

And Sam knew the answer for his questions already. But instead of causing a scene, He stayed with them for about an hour. Ben had joined the other kids to play while Sam and Dean did small talk about the weather, the economy, Dean's job, Sam's job… Sam's lunch hour had long ended and he needed to go back to his office. He looked directly at Dean's eyes.

"If you want me back in your life Dean, it can only be as your mate and nothing else. I'll be your friend as I'll be your lover, but I want you as my mate and bond with you. I'm 30 years old and I'm not getting younger. I want someone to marry and grow old with and have at least two kids. If you can't be that person, if you can't wear my collar it's up to you to decide, but I'll not put you before me like before," Sam said letting his intentions being clearly understood. "We'll be in a equal footing, but it'll be me the head of the house. If you can accept that, then we can be together, if not, make up your mind and forget about me as I had forgotten you for the last years."

As Dean listened him speaking, his body language changed from approachable from aggressive in seconds. When Sam finished, Dean looked at him with fire on his eyes. "So you still want a pet to obey you and walk around with your collar. You want me as your mindless little omega!"

Sam laughed bitterly, he didn't even has strength to keep talking right now. He raised from his seat. "Have a good day, Dean Winchester. I hope to never see you again."

"Sam-"

"Spare me, Dean, please. I'm tired of this conversation. Talking with you drains me," Sam said and went back to work.

An hour late he receives a call from Dean, but he ignores it. Just like the second, third and fourth calls.

Tired, Sam accepts the fifth call.

"I'm a fool. I'm sorry. I always let my pride talk louder than anything else in my brain. I know that you don't want a mindless omega, but I can't help the way I am. I'm built to always attack to protect myself!"

"Well, that's your problem, not mine. Go see a therapist or something. Right now I'm working and after that I have a date with Brock. Have a good day," Sam said as he disconnected the call.

Sam didn't hear from Dean for seven months after that and despite everything he did hope for Dean to get better. However, he didn't paused his life. He had been seeing Brock for more than a year now and Sam was starting to list the pros and cons of inviting him to live together on his apartment.

"The problem is me," Dean said sounding weak and fragile. "When I think about having to wear a collar like a married omega should, to have to become pregnant, to… I… I can't do it, Sam."

Sam sighed. "Then we can't be together. I'm sorry to have to end like this, but I will not answer any of your phone calls after this."

Dean sobbed at the other side of the line. "I just wanted to let you know that I tried! I tried, Sam! Believe me! Please!'

"You tried too late," Sam replied. "I'll not give you illusions if I know that our relationship will not work out."

"Sam,"

"Forget about me and live your life, Dean. Find what you truly want and fight for it, don't let your fears get in the way. I really wish you a happy life, Jen." Sam said before ending the call and blocking Dean's number.

Some minutes later he called Brock.

"Do you want to live with me? And hopefully become my mate?"

"I will, Sam," Brock said softly. "I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you,"

Sam smiled when he heard this words. It was always what he wanted to hear. To be accepted. To feel loved. To feel wanted. Not fear, not betrayal. He wanted to hear it from Dean. But it wasn't meant to be. But right now, it was Brock who saying to him and he would fight for his love for him flourish until the ends of their lives.

"Thank you for loving me and saying it to me, Brock. It was what I needed to hear."

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#teamdean or #teamsam ?

apparently this fics has been dividing opinions. What's yours?


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